I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
