Are we in a gay sports bar?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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