Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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