your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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