Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
