Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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