just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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