Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize