"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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