im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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