He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
