Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
