I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
