My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
