my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
