If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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