it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
