If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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