just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
