That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
