Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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