I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
