Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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