...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize