So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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