There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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