Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize