He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize