I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
