dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize