If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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