Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
