You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
