one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
