Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
