I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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