Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
