after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
