When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
