i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
