If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
and you fell through a lawn chair
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
