I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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