I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
