just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
