how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
