I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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