Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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