Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
