just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
