I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
