I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
