Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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