I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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