She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
