It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
