im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
