He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
