I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
