the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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