Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
