Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
