Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
