After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
